Composure. Calm. Presence of mind.
Refreshed vision is the end of suffering and the beginning of healing…where there is faith, there is life.
“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you fall on”
While there have been times that I sit and wonder why there is so much silence in my life, I have to wonder why others do not share in the same silence. When others are so eager to share on social media all the drama in their world, I have to wonder where their peace is.
I remind myself periodically of this; do not stay stuck in a place you are only supposed to pass through.
The busyness keeps us in a whirlwind of running around not knowing where we are going, what we are doing or if we even remember how we got to where we are. Is that what life is? Is that how it’s supposed to be?
One day I sat in silence, I wrote words from a place I never thought I would be again in my life, it became very surreal. Before you judge me, call me or try to befriend me, I will advise you ahead of time, I am in the best place in my head and heart ever! I am following my joy, my passions, and my desires. I am making my life legendary for my children and grandchildren.
“What and who are more important than you?
Others did what I did, yet, I’m the outcast
Others who now praise God once said, I’m the religious freak
Others who used to be there, are no longer there
Others serve as I served, they were recognized and praised, yet, I was ignored
Others stay in their circle of friends and say I don’t participate, yet do not include me
Others say I’m invited, yet never call or text to ask me
Others worked hard, yet I, a single mother, no child support, worked two jobs and went to school, but that wasn’t hard enough to be recognized
Others were focused on their goals, yet, so was I, but that wasn’t accepted
Other Christians allowed certain behaviors that were unacceptable according to God’s word, yet when I made a wrong choice, I was a sinner and condemned for doing wrong
Others held standards for themselves, yet, as did I, it’s unacceptable
Others, they said they’re here for me, yet, I call or text with delayed response of too busy, or not response at all, yet, I was there for the venting session that you needed
Words spoken and actions toward me hurt deep, and yet no one cared enough to repair the damage that was done
I was once lost, now I’m no longer here, I came to find, I lost, now I’m no longer here.
What could have been beautiful is no longer an opportunity, therefore you have lost more than I ever could
Carefully watch your words, carefully watch your actions, you can’t have me back,
I’m with my only friend and family that never left my side….
You matter, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are unique, and you are a child of God!
(1 Timothy 6:16, 1 John 3:1, 1 John 4, John 10:17, John 5:22-23)
Finding yourself is about YOU, not about others, if you don’t feel comfortable attending a church building, a bible study, or a group, that’s okay, don’t let “others” pressure you.
YOU do what makes YOU feel whole again.
God cares about YOUR HEART
To those who have thought about, planned, or attempted suicide, you are not alone, you are never alone. Millions of people, from the wealthy to the poorest have thought, planned or attempted (and succeeded) suicide. If you are hurting, and you need someone to talk to, to help you through one minute, one hour, one day at a time, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, available 24 hours a day, every day! You may not think you have anyone, NSPL – they are always there. If you do better with online chat, they have the option for that as well.
To answer your question, yes, this is a goodbye poem. Silence speaks volumes to the heart that is rejected. I have to wonder how many others out there feel this same way or have felt this, yet are too afraid to admit it openly to their friends or family for fear of judgement and fake words and actions of caring. If you are afraid, I challenge you to stand out, be brave, use your voice because YOU matter! This is a reminder of those that have gone from our life to soon, one, we take for granted. When considering those that have gone before us, showing up at their “celebration of life” to say, “oh, I wish I would have…”, let this be a gentle refresher, don’t wait until it’s too late.
I am thankful for the peace and quiet I have in my life. The vision appears when the suffering ends, no longer do I give power to the thoughts of suicide.
Release the power and find your Equanimity.
If you don’t like what is manifesting in your life, you have the choice to change it.
Always in love, and hugs to you!
Connie Ann Farmer
connieannfarmer.com (feel free to email or comment below)